Father's Day and Memories

When my dad passed on to his new life, I had just turned twelve years old.  He died of a brain tumor, and many of those experiences during his illness are still vivid in my mind, but I also remember a time when he was strong, a leader of the family, disciplined and full of surprises with his humor and traditions.  He was a hard-working man, father of five, educated through a technical high school, and he was a marine during his enlisted years.  Some of my memories of him are him giving me piggy back rides,  coming home from his job sweaty and tired; yet, still greeting me with big hugs and kisses.  I still remember seeing him drink a beer after a long hot day, letting us take a sip or two.  He was somewhat of an Archie Bunker type, for those of you who watched All in the Family; he had his limitations about people.  He held strong to his convictions and you never questioned his authority.  I remember him mowing the lawn or doing a house project as well as hearing his voice with strict rules and being  somewhat of a dictator.  Anyone who lived in his house better follow the rules or consequences were given.  Back in those days, spankings were the norm, and you never heard of a parent being reported to DFS (Division of Family Services) for a parent "abusing" their child.  Dad worked hard, employed by Union Electric, always providing for his family and I've come to learn as a parent the reason for some of his actions.  Sometimes you do the best with what you know and what you have learned yourself.  None of us can claim to be perfect.  Sometimes we live life, trying to teach our kids, not always knowing if it's the best, but we have to trust our gut.  Much of what's in our gut comes from above and from the past, and generally we roll with the punches and hope for the best.

With my personality, I was very sensitive, often a cryer at the drop of a hat, so his strong demeanor and old school ways often frightened me.  I learned to always please through my behavior and doing well in school, and in my mind if I did what I was told and I didn't get into trouble, then I wouldn't get punished.  That alone motivated me to stay out of trouble and follow the rules.  I also remember him being affectionate towards my mom, laughing along with the family and getting a kick out of a prank or two in our household.  I think we are who we are with all the experiences we have, and I loved my dad, and he did the very best with what he knew.  Over the years, talking with my siblings and my mom, I came to learn that he felt inadequate as a parent and would often read books about how to do it better.  I have to respect a man who may not admit his faults, but would in his own way try to improve himself as a dad.  You have to admire that in a man, a husband, a father;  someone who knows their faults, but still attempts to make it better.  Years after his death and still recently, I have read the birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Cards from him to my mom, and without a doubt, he truly loved and cherished my mom.  That, too, is another reason I can't help but love my dad for loving my mother.

On this Father's Day, I also recall the memories of all of us kids performing for him.  It was not only a treat for him and our extended family who came over for the barbecues, but it was so much fun planning, performing and surprising our dad on Father's Day with our renditions of short plays, jokes and singing performances.  Chrissy was much too young in those days to be involved, but I remember many a years waiting for directions from my older sisters and brother as to my part in the Meyer performances.  There was a joke that I told about what dogs say.....the punch line included something like "roof" instead of "woof", but I can see myself sitting like a dog and falling over.  What's so vivid in my mind are the smiles on my dad and mom's faces as they watched in delight.  You could see their pride beaming over their children they had raised, performing for their pleasure, and perhaps seeing the positive results of their direction.  Without a doubt there was entertainment, humor and laughter in our house, and part of that is because of my dad along with my mom.  Storytelling was always a part of our traditional gatherings, and I loved listening to the family stories of days passed.  Most importantly, I recall how my dad kept the family in daily routine, even when mom was sick in the hospital for long periods of time.  He never wavered, he never showed his fears and I always felt that he was my protector.

On this Father's Day, I appreciate my husband and the wonderful father he is to our children, and I love reminiscing about my own dad.  He was a dad with many stories still untold, a strong righteous man; a man who loved his family.  He is a part of who I am today, and I am grateful for each and every one of those experiences.

The best gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother