Picnic Lunches

On this unusual February afternoon, unlike the normal blistering temperatures for this time of year; I gaze upon two little girls lost in their imaginations enoying the warm breezes meant for Spring.  They plan the day's events and gather their sweet and savory snacks of corn curls, chips, "creative" sandwiches, cookies and leftover Valentine candies for their special picnic.  All are thrown into a picnic basket with their blanket and games.  These two little girls, Faith and Maria, remind me so much of  Chrissy and me  when we would set out on our backyard adventures, sometimes ending in a quarrel as to who would go inside to get the next item.  Chrissy and I would build our forts made of sheets and blankets that we would fold into the chain-linked fences, often making new holes that mom would discover weeks later.  Marty shoots me a glance as we're doing our paperwork, soft breezes feeling so wonderful, sitting outside overseeing these two little souls who have endured too much loss at such a young age.  He remarks to me that if I want to see something that touches your heart, look at Maria and Faith interacting in their playful way, and it does nudge at your heart.  Two little girls who find giddy moments in this world that has brought unspeakable experiences to their life, go about this day giggling, screaming and chasing each other as they bother my sons with their pokes and girlish screams. 

I see myself in days long ago, as two sisters embarked on new adventures while we tried to erase some of the crazy memories that rocked our world then.  We, too, shared the secrets of a family who endured the craziness of our parents' illnesses while trying to bring in some normalcy with some silly playful days.  Those memories continue to invade my mind.  While some bring on smiles, others I want to erase from my brain, and I wonder, how I wonder what my sissy thinks now.  What does she think as she watches her little girl playing with her cousin on this perfect day?  Is she smiling at their mischievous antics or is she wishing she could embrace them both and join in on the fun.  Perhaps she knows so much more than our earthly lives are permitted to reveal.  What comes to mind for me is the shear happiness they both share.  Two cousins, two sister friends enjoying each others company.   One day there will come a time when they will appreciate these weekends of play and innocence, especially when they face more of life's challenges.  They circle the cul-de-sac on their scooters and bikes while the boys chase them down to steal their thunder.....yelling and laughing......enjoying this time of their youth.  Oh, it seems like yesterday when we were doing the same; yet, it happened so long ago.  Funny, isn't it, how time has flown by of years past.  We always say those words, "how time flies" but when death happens, we cherish those times even more, and we want to relive what seems to be lost, but we can't.......only in our mind's eye are we able, and sometimes we smile.  Other times it sends forth the tears, and I let them because it's needed.  It's painful and healing at the same time, and that's life....it's okay to feel the angst of the pain.  After a good cry, we don't wither away or disappear; mostly we get through the loneliness of missing them so much.....if only for a short while.  Our face might be puffy and our make-up smeared but we survive it; we always do.

Today, their picnic lunch was a success as it always was back then, too.  We're settling in for a sleepover, and more fun to be had.  They may not realize it now, but these memories are ones to be cherished.  Perhaps one day they will talk of all they fun they had running around, chasing, laughing and so much more.  I smile when I watch them as I see my niece looking so much like our Chrissy.  They resemble each other so much, not only in their appearance but in their mannerisms, too.  I love these days of picnic lunches filled with dreams, hopes and living in the moments, too.  Our little girls are us with a mix of you in mine and me in yours.......remember?   I wonder, do you remember what we used to say?  God played a trick on us:  Maria was more like me as a little girl and Faith was more like you.  Perhaps one day I will hear your voice again, and you will say, let's have a picnic lunch.  Even as adults, we loved our loved our picnic lunches; appreciating them even more when you were sick.  Whatever happens......happens......but I will always remember our picnic lunches.