Last night I was experimenting with my Soul on a Journey website, as I wanted to color it up a bit with my favorite snapshots and photos that nudge at my heart strings.....pictures worth sharing that give you a peak at my loved ones. There's many more I would love to share, but I'm still searching and learning how to locate them. Our photos are literally all over the place in this world of technology, something that I find a bit intimidating, but I've come a long way. While attempting this process and feeling quite proud of myself with the results, my list of Followers' names/photos disappeared from my site....in a flash. My brother-in-law, Frank, is always telling me to take a chance, go beyond your comfort zone in technology......what's the worst that could happen? Well, for a night, I lost those names, and I had to chuckle. What did I lose? I couldn't see my followers icons; yet, I knew you were all still out there. Sort of like life and death really. Their faces have disappeared right in front of me, but I know they're all still out there watching and listening right along side of me. I think you are, aren't you? Funny isn't it, how visuals and tangibles are so important to us from how we decorate the house, what clothes we wear, photographs that seem to jump off the page especially when they're photos of our loved ones who have died. I also realized that those faces are not only faces, but it's the dreams that have vanished. The dreams of what could have been have vanished, and that seems to be the loss that all of us who grieve, share. The loss of those dreams, what could have been are all gone and new ones have to be created, and that for me, has been the ultimate struggle. Some days that thought is so overwhelming; I feel as though I can't catch my breath, and I find myself taking a deep breath and literally chanting, "Help me Lord."
In this journey of life, almost a year after I started writing on this site, I am learning to take more chances, trying to step out of my comfort zone. One of those chances is seeking supportive counsel from my church, which is called Stephen Ministries. It's a wonderful resource where lay people from our parish are trained to be supportive, somewhat like counselors, my spiritual support, a listener, someone to pray alongside me. I fought it as long as I could as I didn't want to tell someone that I was reaching my breaking point. It's been long overdue, and with life's joys there resides the struggles, and I knew that I was moving to a place in my life that required me to do this. I still resist some of the outside social events that seem to paralyze me at times, feeling as though I'm pretending, not having the energy to engage in conversation. I find it extremely awkward to handle the large crowds so perhaps my journey with this opportunity will help me understand more layers of myself that have been hidden for so long. Maybe one day, it won't be so awkward for me......the familiar, yet unfamiliar crowds, the small talk.
I write of this today because tomorrow starts the season of Lent, a familiar event to us Catholics and so foreign to those who have never lived it. It's a time of sacrifice and cleansing, perhaps a time of turning over a new leaf. This new step, reaching out for help has been a good choice for me, and my Stephen Minister has been a God send. I'm taking a chance, and what's the worst that could happen? I don't know, but perhaps in another one of my entries, you'll find out. After three sessions, much has been talked about, and while I know the layers are beginning to unfold, there's so much more that I have to figure out about myself.
Taking a chance has it's limitations, but I'm trying, and who knows what the outcome might be? One step leads to the next, and while I walk with hesitation, I'm finally putting on the shoes and taking the chance to walk, opening my mind to dreams, one of my many destinations. Here's my question for all of you: Are you taking the appropriate chances in your life? Are you reaching out to those in need? Are you stepping out of your comfort zone which will ultimately help another human being? Are you in need of healing? As this season of Lent begins, take inventory of your own life and see where chances need to be taken.
"Do what you can to make a difference in somebody's life."
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