That's What it IS

What happens to your spirit when life pitches you a curve?  Of course, disappointment sets in, tears flow and your confidence diminishes.  There are all sorts of curves being pitched everyday.  Mine happens to be living my life without the physical presence of my parents, my sister Chrissy and so many other loved ones who have passed on to their new life.  So many people that I miss terribly.  There are other life events that have shaped who I am, like being rejected by someone you cared about, getting a failing grade on a test, having miscarriages, disappearing friendships, not getting hired for a certain job.  The list could go on and on, and that's life.  It shapes our character, and anyone reading this could say the same about their own lives.  The disappointments could be different for you, but they hit us all the same, right in the gut, and some linger on longer than others.  All of them shape who we are.  On the flip side there are also the joys, like life long friendships, marrying the love of your life, giving birth to children, being hired for a new job, laughing amongst good family and friends, eating delicious foods, watching the sun appear on the horizen, watching the sun disappear on the horizen, a good night's sleep, the ocean, the mountains, holding a baby in your arms, kisses, hugs, feeling the wind in your hair, witnessing a flower's first bloom.........and oh yes, CHOCOLATE!  Chocolate was one of God's best inventions created in the human brain, and it's oh so good!  My list of joys are endless and yours are too, if we only look around.

Tonight I held my little girl in my arms who was dealt one of life's disappointments, and while it was heartwrenching, it wasn't her first and it won't be her last either.  There will be a plethora of life's disappointments and challenges for her, some more difficult to endure than others, but she will also experience the great joys, too.   Envisioning of all her joys to come are all encompassing at times......in a good way.  As mothers, we always want the best for our children, and life has a way of throwing us those curves, but it has shaped me into the person I am.  Haven't yours shaped you?  Painful, yes, but look where it's brought us.   I am still a work in progress; it's the journey that inspires me I suppose.  For some, life's journey might be too difficult to face, and they choose to end their life, never knowing some joys that lie ahead.  How sorry I feel for those souls who feel that much desperation to end their own lives. Thoughts of my own death have crossed my mind.  Yes, they have.  I've thought about this aching, emotional pain that never seems to go away.  How I could reunite with Chrissy, mom, dad  and all the others.  Wouldn't that be grand, the pain finally lifted?  Then another thought fills my mind, perhaps it's the Holy Spirit intervening or God........then I see visions of joy in my life.  I see the joy that would be gone from my own children's lives if I chose that path. 

Life is filled with all sorts of wonders, and I am taking the time to see them all......good, bad and indifferent.  Even in the fast-paced events of life, one has to take pause to see all of IT.  As painful as this grief can be, joy surrounds me as well.  While I don't want my children to experience disappointments, they must....it just IS and so IS joy.....it just IS.  I will be there to support them, love them, cry with them and laugh with them.   As long as God gives me breath, I will be there for them.  How much would be missed in our own spiritual growth if we were denied the sorrows.  I wish this sorrow wasn't mine, but as ironic as this sounds, while I have cried to the depths of  my heart for reason in my life and for the events that have happened, it just IS.....and it shapes us into the people we are meant to be.  The reason isn't for us to know but to believe and have faith....that's what it IS.