It's been awhile since I've written, and all I can say is that numerous thoughts have been going through my mind, countless events and commitments.....some chosen but most are required. In many attempts to write, none of my drafted journal entries made much sense, and I would stop....think of new thoughts.....write and then stop yet again. Perhaps my mind was preoccupied with life's events. Some might call it writer's block. None of my thoughts seemed important, even though I wanted to write......nothing was cohesive. I came to the conclusion that all I needed to do was take a step back, pause, reflect and take in what was happening, and when the spirit moved me, it would happen. So, the spirit moved me, and here I am again.
This past month, my sister-in-law, Connie, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. All those familiar words came back again. I thought I had sent them soaring, thrown them out, hoping not to hear from them for a long time, but they've returned. Biopsy, blood tests, chemotherapy, ports, oxicotin, lack of appetite, tumor, lymph nodes......words I hoped to be rid of for awhile, came rushing back. I could try to dodge it; pretend like it's not in our lives again. No matter how I choose to deal with it; bottom line is Connie has been dealt the hand that so many are facing today. I'm not naive in thinking that none of my loved ones will ever be touched by "The beast" again, but I found myself moving into auto pilot these past few weeks. It's been told to me that this must be difficult to have this happen in your life again, especially when the experience with Chrissy is still so fresh; yet, my main concern was for my husband and his sister, Connie. Connie was the one who had been dealt this hand. Did hearing those words of cancer hit straight to my heart? Absolutely. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. Even though we may not be afflicted with the disease; all loved ones are living the journey in one form or other. I don't really know what I'm capable of giving, but I know I must be present. I must be present with my husband, present for my inlaws and present for myself. This cancer hits people of all ages, economic backgrounds and cultures. There is no rhyme or reason to the madness, but I know I must act, and that's what we must all try to do.
Today I talked with my son's teacher, and she said something that inspired me to write this entry today. A couple of years ago, her dad died, and when I heard of her loss, I felt compelled to write her, tell her how sorry I was to hear of her loss. Frankly, I don't remember the specific words I said, but whatever they were, she weeped and saved it. She said it helped her get through that moment, and she didn't feel alone. With tearful eyes, she thanked me for those words she received awhile back and said she refers to them when she's having a bad day. It also brought to mind what our pastor mentioned at mass a few weeks ago. He said that to evangelize doesn't mean we have to go around and preach the word and recite the Bible all the time; rather, evangelizing could mean something as simple as smiling at someone, baking a cake, sending a card, doing an act of kindness. All of those actions, examples of kindnesses are what God wants us to do for one another. I don't at all claim to be on top of these matters, but what I propose is that if everyone took the time to notice, how wonderful our lives would be........take notice. When the spirit moves me to write......then I write. If the spirit moves you......then DO IT.
One thing I've learned in this journey is that this world is filled with joys, surprises and disappointments. All those are a given in life, but when the spirit moves you, listen and act. Perhaps a smile is all you're able to give.....do it! Whatever it is that you are capable of giving to another human being, then follow that calling. When the spirit moves you.....listen! It might be a life changing moment for another human being.
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier."
- Mother Tereasa
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