Tuesday, December 11, 2012

It's Here Again to Stay

This day has rolled around again.....it's been 3 years since the passing of my little sister, Chrissy.  It's not an easy day, but all the days inbetween aren't easy either.  But this day is a poignant reminder of what happened in this month, her journey through life, and the heart wrenching days just before her last breaths.  It's so permanent; it's here to stay.  I look back and wish I would have changed a few things.  I was strong in her eyes, but I was so vulnerable inside.  I wish I had shown her my tears, I wish I could have said "good-bye", but I couldn't.  I always had hope until the very last moment.  Hope that my miracle would show itself, but that was not the plan.  I curse His plan sometimes because it hurts.  All that's lost and never meant to happen hurts.  I'm trying to be a Big Girl, sissy, but it's so hard. I can't seem to hold back my tears, but I must try. The little ones look to us for guidance and strength. 

It's been three years, and I've grown and learned a lot.  I am able to laugh and sing at certain times, and sometimes I'm not.  But isn't that life?  Sometimes the fog and clouds move in and sometimes the sun appears.  I still think of you everyday of my life, and the kids still ask about you.  We haven't forgotten. Others may have, but I never will.  life is a journey.  We live.....we live on....but we'll never forget and we'll never stop missing you!

Love, hope and peace to you my heavenly sister......

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