Sisters Just Know

One of my most favorite days, nothing extraordinary, but a precious time when Chrissy and I were sitting in my backyard watching our girls, Maria and Faith,  running around our yard, swinging, giggling, not a care or concern in the world,  through their eyes.  Two best friends just hangin' out, having some fun.  It may have been during the month of March or April last year, a couple of months after we heard the devastating news about the lump she had found.  Both of us now realizing that the clock was ticking with her time here on earth, and both of us wanting to buy more of it if we could.  Her health was stable, but the prognosis of the cancer reaching her liver and the type of breast cancer she had, had changed all of our hopes and plans........it had changed her and Frank's plans of what they envisioned their life to be.  I wonder if our dreams, our visions are ever our  own or are our visions, our life plan to come from our creator?  I tend to agree with the latter, not to say that we are supposed to live in suffering and have no choices.  I do believe that our souls are here on earth to learn and grow, until we become what it is that we are meant to do.  Are we living the life that God wants us to live?  I think that's a question that each of us has to look smack dab in the face, and ask ourselves.  Is it what we want or what God wants, for some ultimate purpose?  Possibly for many of us we are living our own way and not His.  That my friends is a question you may need to ask yourselves.
  
In January, upon hearing Chrissy's voice with the results of her tests, I knew our time together was numbered.  On that very day, we knew, and we cried for what was lost.  Of course, only God could decide "when" her time to go home would happen, but the results were in according to earthly time.  Each day that passed, was a day closer to her death.  Some would agree that we are all destined to die, but Chrissy's time was layed out before her.  We spend our lifetimes searching for answers, wondering how to live, only to die.  Naturally that sounds morbid because there are all those events  inbetween.  We go to school, develop friendships, attend graduations, we marry, acquire our careers, have kids, experience hardships.  I don't mean to be depressing about that thought, but isn't that how it really is?  Even our religions are based on living a spiritual life, a giving life, only to die and then hoping for a life beyond this one, with God.  There's much to be said on that point, and I will expand on that on a later entry.  For that particular day, last spring, our time was perfect, and I wanted to freeze it because I knew that the days ahead held a lot of turbulence.

In any case, on this sunny, warm breezy day, we were able to watch our girls interact and BE.......just be in the moment, and I wanted to hold onto it.   It's just where I wanted to be.....with my sister, my friend, my confidant.    So we sat there on a gorgeous day, having a hamock would have been even more perfect, both of us in our lounge chairs................with a lump in my throat.  I tried to peek over towards my sister without her knowing it.  It felt like I was living in the movie "Beaches" where Bette Midler looks over at Barbara Hershey knowing that her friend's time was diminishing.   Chrissy looking out at her little girl and smiling pensively, knowing that she wouldn't be here during Maria's adult years.  Sisters know these things.  I knew what she was thinking.  Neither one of us needed to say anything that day, as we sat in total comfort.  I could see she was enjoying the moment of this pleasant weather; just two sisters enjoying their time together, sipping on an ice tea.  Finally, she did look at me and asked, "Are you okay?"  The tears did not appear on my face because I didn't want to curtail her good moment, but my heart was sad.  My only response was, "I'm just tired......and relaxed........."  But I think she knew.  Sisters just know.  That day was a blessing as I retrieve  my memory folder, and I bring it out on the days when I miss her.  Even beyond this life, sisters just know as she guides me in helping her children, in knowing what to do or say.  She guides me in my own life as I continue to learn and search and wonder.   This I know my friends........sisters just know.

"Every thought you have makes up some segment of the world you see. It is with your thoughts, then, that we must work, if your perception of the world is to be changed"