If you are one who is grieving right now, my one piece of advice is to surround yourself with healing people. Healing people are those who listen without judgement, they are empathetic without trying to cure you, and ultimately they listen completely without talking and they give of themselves. There are people in my life who do just that, and I want to say "thank you". Thank you for understanding, thank you for your patience, and thank you for allowing me to grieve. There are no rules, no certain way, but complete healing people are listeners with a sincere heart, a giver of hugs, and a lender of their loving thoughts without telling me what to do. I know I will not feel this way forever; feeling the sadness and loss of my sister. One day joy will reign prevalent in my heart, but for now it's a distant word in my vocabulary. That doesn't mean I am not thankful for the blessings that surround me.......my family, my friends, my health and my faith. Love from my husband and children sustains me right now as I try to overcome the sadness in my heart. How can one person impact another so much? She did mine, my sister, and I am trying to see the world now with different eyes, with a new canvas if you will. I feel as though my vision is blinded, and I am trying to imagine the world with love, hope and joy.
Some days I live.......I truly live feeling her presence and constant guidance beside me. Some days a smile will find its way upon my face. I will think of her and smile, and there aren't any set times or reasons. Perhaps when I'm choosing an item at the store, hearing a familiar song, eating a lucious dinner or watching her daughter, Maria, play as Chrissy did when she was that age. Other days are very difficult, feeling her spirit, trying to find my path, living this new way, watching her children trying to find their way as well. Some days when I see her children ache for her presence, then I'm at a loss as to what this is all about. I say in my journaling that when a deep loss is experienced, it is felt strongly and one never thinks it will go away. It doesn't truly ever go away; it's always a part of our new life, whatever transformations takes place, but the intensity I know will change, and you learn to live along with it. I know that through my own parents' deaths, and I am now learning to live with it through my own sister's death. My sister will always be there for me, but now in a new way, and I suppose those who knew her well...feel it, too. As each day ends and another one begins, I look for strength to make my life better......to make myself a better person. Sometimes the healing people are my driving force and for that I am grateful. They ask questions and listen, they truly hear my cries, they give support through kind emails and letters without expecting a response, and they never question where I am in this journey.....always offering support in thought, words or deeds . Their support is also shown in their continuous efforts such as recognizing the Komen Race, participating in the Relays for Life or making donations in memory of my sister to their favorite charities along with the trails of notes, cards, emails and asking a genuine "how are you?" You healing people, my healing souls, you give me fortitude, always letting me know that you are there, thinking about my family. Those of you who offer to pick up my sister's children, sending your meals, lending your time and offering a helping hand..........you are the ones. As my mom used to say many times, "Your reward will be in heaven."
I believe this question will be asked of us in the world that lies beyond this, "What did you do for another and what truly lies in your heart?" Our God knows what is in your heart, each and every one of you. Thank you for your constant efforts in making the life of another person or persons your priority, when in a world of craziness, you are taking the time. Chrissy was humbled by the support given to her and her family during her ailing days. In her final weeks of breathing life, she wanted me to extend to all her upmost gratitude. She physically wasn't capable, but she tried to care for her home, her children, her husband. There were times she didn't want to accept the outpouring of devotion, as she wanted to do it herself. As most of us realize, it is much easier to give than to receive, but in accepting the help, I believe she gave to all of us maturity in our own soul's journey. Peace, hope and gratefulness.......from one heart to our special healing people who rise up in giving.
When you have learned how to decide with God, all decisions become as easy and as right as breathing. There is no effort, and you will be led as gently as if you were being carried down a quiet path in summer. In choosing to give of ourselves, we decide with God.
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