My Son, My Sister

My eldest son, Eric, turned 14 years old on Sunday!  I can hardly believe where all the years have gone.  It seems like yesterday when I spent 20 hours of labor waiting for him to come out, only to see him enter this world looking wide-eyed around the hospital room.  His tears faded away to the sound of my voice, only wonderment beamed about his face, and he was the spitting image of my husband and still is today.    It's been said to me many times, especially by strangers, cashiers, women in my church......after seeing me with my children....."These are the best years of your life, they go by so quickly, enjoy every moment."  That statement is so true and is even more relevant as it relates to my life right now.  I try to take each moment of time with my children and cherish it, as I've seen with my sister, time can move so quickly and then everything is so different.  In a flash they grow up, and it is up to us to capture the moments.

With losses in life there comes a "knowing."   Knowing comes from seeing the transformations of spirit, of body, of mind when you feel the deepest fulfillment of love, watching someone taking their last breaths, while at the same time feeling tremendous pain, sometimes all in the same minute.  Eric had a very special bond with his Aunt Chrissy, and he tells me almost everyday, especially at night how much he misses her.  He has always been such a wise, old soul even when he was very young, and anyone who meets him is usually surprised by his maturity and thought processes.  It makes you want to be a better person when you're around him.  After hearing some of his thoughts; I thank God for being the mother of such a wonderful, kind soul.  He is such a blessing!

When we moved from High Ridge to Ellisville, we lived with Chrissy and Frank  in between until we bought our next home.  We lived with them for about 4 months, before Frankie and Maria were born, and I think Chrissy connected with Eric like he was her own.  He was about 3 years old at the time, and he told Chrissy that when he grows up, he would mow their lawn.   He wasn't going to charge them money; he only wanted apples!

He would chat with her often, and sometimes when I was being the "mother" to him, Chrissy would give me that look like, lay off of him.  One time much later, after we moved into our house, Chrissy called me to say that she thought Eric had gotten into her cigarettes because someone had tore them up and scattered them all over their front lawn.  Of course, I couldn't believe that he would do this, and at first Eric denied it, and I believed him.  I even told him he wasn't going to get punished because I understood why he would have done it.  Eric never lies I told myself.   He emphatically denied it.  I told Chrissy that Eric said it wasn't him.  "Are you sure it wasn't one of the neighbor kids????"  I asked.  There was silence over the phone, and she hesitated but said, "Ohhh, hmmm, I don't know about that.  If he says he didn't do it..(pause).....okay, well."   Was I being one of those moms?   I hung up the phone and it dawned on me, I was being one of those moms......a mom who didn't want to accept that their child did something wrong.  I wanted Eric to tell me himself, though, that he did it.  It was shortly after I put him to bed that night, and within a few minutes, he crept out of bed and into the family room where I was watching the television.  With a fearful look in his eyes he said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, and you're not going to be happy.  I was the one who broke the cigarettes and scattered them all over Aunt Chrissy's lawn."   I wasn't happy that he had lied to me, but I was happy that he fessed up to doing that, and I understood why.   He did have to apologize to his Aunt Chrissy, but he also told her that he didn't like that she smoked either.

Eric was a child who required and welcomed the truth, and he always wanted to know how his Aunt Chrissy was doing.  As the weeks and months passed, I would tell him of her journey, the hope we had, the possibilities of the medicines and the prayers we had to say for her, Uncle Frank and the kids.  His eyes were still young and naive, and I wasn't going to break his spirit.....I didn't want to break my spirit of hope as long as there was breath.  Some days it was more difficult than others, so very challenging to stay positive when the results of tests or numbers were not.  The day came when there were no more medicines to try; they had used them all and then some more.  That was one of the most difficult days of my life.......the day I had to tell him that his Aunt Chrissy was probably going to see heaven soon.  With disbelief in his eyes and utter shock; we held each other and wept.

He wanted to be near her and never let go......."I want to be with her mom," he would say.  "I know my friend, I know," I sighed.  Time appeared to stop back then; yet, it moved so quickly.  Each step felt so heavy, not quite sure where or how to move, but we moved.  Everyday he was asking to see her and inquiring about her condition.  Everyday I would tell him the same......."She's very sick, Eric, we need to keep praying for her."  In his years growing into adulthood, I hope he holds on to all his memories, not only while she was sick, but all of his wonderful memories with Chrissy.  I'll never forget his words when he saw his cherished Aunt Chrissy, his second mom, his confidant.  Expressing his love for her while looking into her eyes he said, "We love you Aunt Chrissy, and we'll be with you every step of the way."  

I have so many proud moments of this son of mine, but that had to be one of my favorite, proudest moments:  my son loving his aunt, my sister.