This past Saturday, on a most beautiful, breezy, sunny, heartfelt day, I attended a funeral memorial mass for a dear friend. Her best friend since the age of two said to her children during the eulogy for her, "You'll never know how much your mother loved you until you have children of your own." I'm sure words of love were and are still exchanged often in their house, but there is a greater understanding of love when we are given the gift of children. Of course all of us love and feel love from time to time, but from a parent and more specifically a mother's perspective, we are like mother elephants as Val would say. Our friend, Patti, was a mother elephant. She not only cherished her own children, but she protected and cared for other children as if they were her own. There is no greater love than a parent to a child......in most cases that is.
That statement hits home with me as I feel it with my own children as well as with Maria and Frankie. There was never a doubt in my mind that our mom loved us..... way more than herself. In this life of ours, we go through many stages of love, certainly all dependent on our age and maturity, our aspirations, our character and most importantly our relationship life experiences. When my mother passed, I thought the world had ended and how was I to continue on in this world. I had recently graduated from college, and I didn't have a strong clue as to where I wanted to head with my life. Mom's death, certainly inevitible given her health situation; yet, it was still a shock the night it happened. Mom overcame so much physical suffering in her life; it's hard to imagine how she pulled through it all. It occurred to me when I had my own children that her perseverance was all about us. She survived as long as she did for US just as Chrissy had for her own children.
We've all heard in the newspapers and on television horrific stories of mothers killing their children, and as mothers we find it incomprehensible. How could such an offense be possible knowing what WE know and feel as mothers? A father hurting his children is outrageous, but somehow a mother doing the same is unforgiveable. As parents we always want to give more and do more for our own children. That's not to say that our parents didn't try their best. I'm sure my parents were always striving to do more for us than what they were given. My mother use to say that dad would read books on child rearing which shows me he tried. When we were young, I didn't think about the sacrifices and choices my parents had to make for us. Back then I didn't understand some of their choices for "consequences", but as I raise my own.....I understand. Once I had my own children, I appreciate and love my parents even more. Many a night, I pray to my parents telling them "thank you" and to help guide me. Thanking them for their undying devotion to help me become the person that I am and hope to be. When we're young, we aren't as grateful for the roof over our heads and the food on the table. All of us have heard of the poor starving children in Africa or whatever third world country your family chose. All of us have been disciplined in some fashion, and back then we didn't like it or understand it sometimes. Watching Chrissy go through her struggles and choices brought back all those memories way back when, but in a different light. How difficult it must have been for my parents to learn of their test results, having five children, wondering if God would bring them home or keep them here to care for us.
I don't know a lot of answers to this earthly world in which we live, and perhaps it isn't for me to know but to believe and hope for better. Whether here in this physical realm or there in the heavenly world.......it's all about love, hope and faith. I know now how much you must have loved us, mom and dad, and as I parent my own children, I pray that I will give it my all. If not today, perhaps someday my children will realize how much I love them. It will not depend on how many times I say the words, " I love you" on a daily basis; rather, by example and life experiences they will learn a parent's love for their child when they have children of their own. For Maria and Frankie, you'll know one day, too, how much your mother loved you. She did it for you, too. If you don't have children of your own.....I will tell you. I will never stop telling you how much you both meant to her. She was a mother who lived for her children. She still lives for you......she lives in your hearts.
There is no greater love than a mother's love for her children
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