As I reflect on this Mother's Day, there's so many levels of a mother's love that only a mother knows. My own mother is a hero in my book, knowing that she raised five children in her life's challenges. She, herself was seriously ill, my dad was dying with cancer; yet, she found her way, by the grace of God, she pulled it off. She encouraged us to have faith in God no matter what happened, she made sure we were fed, dressed, had a roof over our heads and she prepared us for life's many trials and tribulations, along with all the joys, too. It is only now in these adult years of my life as I raise my own children, that I truly recognize the eternal love she had for us. I always felt it, that undying devotion to us; yet, caring for my own children puts a whole new perspective on a mother's journey and what that means. In this world in which we live there are unspeakable crimes against children by their parents, a mother's rage and depression taken out on her own children, and I can't comprehend that. It doesn't even make sense to me. I may offend some readers here, but I don't understand when a mother kills her own.....I don't get it. Why not kill yourself if you're that depressed? Perhaps I am ignorant of mental illness, an unknown pain that is foreign to me, but as a mother, I can't relate to such crimes on children.
On this Mother's Day, I see Frankie and Maria, who have spoken of this day, feeling the pangs of loss without their mother. Maria, especially speaks of her pain to her sister friend, cousin and confidant, Faith, with whom she shared of her sadness this day. My daughter, Faith, tries to cheer her up by decorating her bedroom with streamers and ribbons, knowing that Maria will share some of this day with us. It doesn't make up for the loss, but she tries.....we try. I also think of my own mother, and this day for me, too, is met with a bitter sweetness since the day of her death, that only those of us who have lost our mothers knows.
On this Mother's Day, I think of all those mothers who have lost a child, and for them, it has to be met with overwhelming emotions, a river of tears knowing of what was lost and how it's changed their family, their own life's journey. How it must have changed their heart......forever. On this day, I am shocked with the tragedy that has yet again knocked on our door, learning of the untimely death of Eric's mentor, his Rockband teacher, Matthew Kovis. I found myself on this day sharing our Christian faith and belief in God and what His plans are for us, only to speak of what has happened to Eric about his beloved teacher. I am met with gutteral tears and utter disbelief from my dear son. I think of Matt's family as they try to grasp what has happened in this untimely fatal car crash. What must his mother be thinking? What must she be feeling? How does one cope at a time like this? If she is feeling anything but shock right now, it must feel like being hit in the stomach with a huge boulder, and perhaps that doesn't even come close to what the pain must truly feel like. I don't want to know that pain.....none of us does......and none of knows, do we? It could happen at any time, anywhere.
No matter where our mothers are, I know my mother had eternal love for us, her children. There's no love like a mother towards her children, and I was blessed to have had the mother I did. While so many parental relationships are disconnected, ours wasn't. She made it quite clear to us, her children, that family is first, last and always, and I've tried to honor that with my own children and husband. I long to feel the embrace of my mother, but I know I was blessed to have her hugs for as long as I did. While some have never felt that love, there was never any doubt with our own mother. She herself knew and believed her life's purpose was to be a mother, and she honored that gift.
On this mother's day, I want to extend a Happy Mother's Day to all of you lovely mothers and give thanks to my creator for the mother that was given to me. I also pray for Matt's family and mother as they try to sort through the tragedy that has happened. I did meet Matt's mother on a few occasions when we both watched our sons do what they loved most, playing music. I thank Matt for his support and guidance to my son, giving him guidance and confidence in his own abilities. That I'm sure was learned by his own mother, a motherly love.
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