Promotion Day

Tonight we attended Frankie's Promotion Ceremony at Fairway Elementary, aka "graduation ceremony" from elementary school into middle school.  That's the trend these days to promote our kids to a higher level of education, giving them recognition for all their hard work up to now.  This event was supposed to take place on Chrissy's birthday earlier this week, but their school had an electrical fire that day and the event was postponed until tonight.  Makes me wonder if there was an intervention from above, you know what I mean?  While I originally looked at the coincidence of having Frankie's graduation ceremony happening on the same day as Chrissy's birthday; I thought that somehow it might ease the pain of missing her physical absence.  Perhaps making this day about celebrating Frankie's success might take away some of the attention I put on thinking about the loss of my sister.  What was I thinking???  It's amazing how the mind plays tricks on our heart, isn't it?  Only to survive the pain of missing our loved ones, we come up with these stories. 

The bottom line is this:  nothing will ever take away the pain.....it will always be there.  What I have to determine is how to make sense of my life and how to live my life without her in it.  That's the challenge......amongst many other challenges that comes from the loss of a loved one.  That sits foremost in my mind:  how do I live this life without her and still FEEL?  Some days I go through the motions; I have no other choice.  My kids and husband depend on me, and I do it.  I am a wife and mother, and I owe it to them to be available to them. God guides me through most days, and this I know, because I couldn't do it on my own. 

Tonight we all felt it as we watched my nephew walk forward in this procession awaiting the call of his name.  The order was given to hold the applause as there were over 100 5th graders.  Of course, there were the few comical "shout outs" for a few students or claps here and there, but for Frankie it was different.  The family was all scattered about as the gymnasium was packed.  Even standing room was filled to the brim, and my neice and I were sitting next to each other, both feeling the pangs of what was about to happen.  My heart felt anxious in that moment as I anticipated the mention of his name.  As I glanced around the Fairway gymnasium, there it was:  A sign that read "Chrissy's Crusaders."  Fairway was getting ready for their Rockwood Relay Walk for Life, and after Chrissy's passing, they named their school team, "Chrissy's Crusaders" in memory of my sister.  There it loomed before me, and I held back the tears.  I knew she was with us in spirit, calling out a "shout out" to us that she was present with her boy and with us, too.  As I gazed upon the wall, I thought of my own walk that I would be taking next  week in support of this great cause.  I took my eyes off the words when I heard his name, not sure what I would do.  My instinct was to go against the rules and scream his name aloud for all to notice.  Then it happened, once he walked the stage loud claps rang out, more than just the usual members of the family.  Many were giving applause  to our Frankie, and then I shouted, "Frankie!"  I clapped proudly for this young man of ours.  I yelled for him because I knew she would have done it if she were here.  Your mother loved you, Frankie, because even before this day, you were promoted already in her eyes.