How interesting it is when lives intertwine from people we don't expect......even from a grocery man called Tom. One thing I know to be true, is that all the people who enter our lives are meant to be there for a purpose. The reason perhaps could be to learn a lesson, or better yet, they could be the answer to our prayers or us to them. We often don't connect the two, do we? We're often too busy to notice, but I'm convinced that every soul that crosses my path and even those who do not, influence my life in some way, shape or form. Even that brief encounter with a stranger who is having an obvious horrific day. The manufacturing companies of our foods and medicines, the electric and gas companies, and so on. Even beyond our scope, there is an effect on our life. We've seen that person, the one who is yelling on their cell phone or yelling at their kids in public for something trivial or cutting us off in traffic. The difficult part is accepting the mean, disenchanting, selfish, self-serving, arrogant individuals who cross our paths? (is it possible to create anymore adjectives?) They seem to suck the energy out of us, don't they? That is, if we let them, and so often we do. That is a work in progress for me....finding their purpose in my life.
Recently, it dawned on me that even those people have a place in our lives, teaching us how not to behave because it can be so ugly. Perhaps we've been that person, cutting off someone on the road in spite. Better yet, after they leave my world, having my experience with them; I realize different character flaws about myself, which leads me to improve on my own attitude. That reflection often helps me to mature and grow as a wife, a mother, a friend, an aunt, a niece and even a sister. When you experience something miraculous in the moment; you want to stop the clock and freeze that "aha" moment as I've heard it mentioned. What did I learn today that helped me grow into a better person?
This story I'm about to tell relates to Tom, a man who works in Chrissy's grocery story, who was a friend to my sister and an answer to my prayer at just the right moment. Tom was a man who would always greet Chrissy with a smile and would often ask, "How are ya kid?" Once Chrissy was diagnosed with her cancer, Tom had shared with her his son's story, one who had battled the beast.......the cancer. Their relationship had become a special one as she would enter the store to buy her groceries; which made the buying more worth it, waiting for this special man to welcome her into his store. As we spent more time together, I would go on shopping trips with her, and he would greet me as well. He knew what it was to travel this bumpy, uncertain road.....the doctor visits, awaiting the tests, the pain. He would always ask and listen. Towards the end of her life when she was unable to walk or leave her house, I would go in alone to pick up a few items hoping I would see him, and he would continue to ask, "How's my girl doing?" He would listen so intently and share his own horrific experiences about his only child who had passed on to his new life. Tom reminded me of our Uncle Benny, my mom's uncle on my grandma' side. He had these warm brown eyes with aging skin, each line showing the decades of worry.....each groove telling a story. His voice was calming and you always felt special when you were talking with Tom because he was so genuine with his questions, and you knew he cared about my sister.
The early morning came of Chrissy's passing, and from that moment on, your mind not only tries to grasp the loss..... but you're in shock......so your body goes into "to do" mode. You try to think of the arrangements and who to contact and how you're going to do it all with grace and to honor your loved one. Through the week when all was being planned, I did think of Tom, but I couldn't bring myself into the grocery store to tell him. It's very difficult to say the words after a loved one dies, and that's why we often find our few contacts who can pass along the news of their death. It's not easy to let those words flow from your mouth......"Chrissy has died." It seems so final, even though it's not, perhaps it's the awkwardness of what words will come out on the receiving end of the message. Will I be asked the questions of how are you, and how's Frank and on and on and on. Will the receiver want to know or will they give you this awkward stare? Don't misunderstand me when I say it's not anyone's fault for asking, as we eventually want you to ask. When you're traveling in shock without your loved one, you need to get through the logistics of it and you want people to know what to do without having to ask. God is guiding us all the time what to do, but we don't always listen. We need to listen.....
Chrissy had passed on a Friday, and as Sunday approached for church, I was feeling anxious about who I might meet, thinking about Tom, and knowing I had to tell him somehow, and I was trying to avoid all eye contact as much as possible. That's my way and how I was able to deal on that day, that hour, that minute. We sat ourselves further down the aisle in church that day....Christmas was approaching and the crowds were expanding as they usually do during Advent. I found my mind wandering, and I was fortunate to have Msgr. Dempsey preside over the mass. I enjoy his homilies so much because he speaks with a passionate, loving twist, and I always leave church with a positive message. He doesn't come across as judgemental, but he tells a story like he is directly talking to you, even with a packed crowd. That day as we sat in our seats, the Monsignor shared a story about evangelism, as he always does each year......trying to convey the importance of bringing back one person to the Catholic Church who has left. As he continued on, he began sharing a story I had told him about my sister only a month ago. Of course he changed some of the details for privacy reasons, but it was about my sister and me. I don't know if he was inspired by me or by my sister, but either way, I felt a great sense of comfort and I knew she was right there with me. As I turned to look at my husband, who usually sits at the other end between our children, he smiled, too, knowing that the homily was the perfect timing. Monsignor ended his homily, and soon the prayers were mentioned, one being for those who had gone before us, and Chrissy's name was mentioned. My kids looked at me with a grin, feeling a sense of pride to hear their aunt's name mentioned in our church. All of a sudden, I felt a tap on my shoulder and who do you think it was? It was Tom, the grocery man. I was so shocked to see him, because in the ten years that I've been a member at Holy Infant, I never saw him before......I didn't even know he was Catholic.
He embraced me, shared his condolences on the passing of my sister, and with shock in his voice he said, "I didn't know you went to Holy Infant?"
"Same here, Tom, I've never seen you here before."
No matter whose path you cross; there's a reason. Our Father has a reason, and that day, my friends, would be a moment I'll remember forever. One thing I learned from my parents and my family is to be friendly, even to the grocery man. Perhaps our paths will cross for only a second, but timing is everything. Seeing Tom that morning couldn't have come at a better time.
"At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it"
By Thich Nhat Hanh
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