"Can't go around it.....can't go under it.....can't go above it.....gotta go through it." That quote has been ringing in my mind for these last few days. It's a familiar tune, but I can't figure out where I know it or why all of a sudden it's been floating in my mind? Perhaps Chrissy is putting it in my mind for me to hear, reminding me of a childhood experience. It's a tune or jingle that we said as kids, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why we said it or when. Odd occurences have been happening, and I suppose I chalk it up to my sister telling me that she's still with me. I need those reminders these days, especially through the holidays. These times are so different for me as I try to live this life without Chrissy's physical presence. I find myself rambling about family gatherings, hoping she's right around the corner. Maybe we could touch base about the kids or talk about some drama that perhaps is going on? There is no drama, though, except for the fact that such a young soul is in spirit now, and her children are learning to live life without her, without a mother's presence.
As I mentioned, strange things have been falling. The other day, Marty was going off on something....I can't quite remember what, when my aunt, myself and me heard something fall inside our house. Marty's first words were, "I bet that's your sister telling me to forget about it." We all laughed, but we couldn't find the source of the fall, and it was loud. The next day, Marty called me over and said, "I found out what fell, but I can't believe it didn't break, and why is it over there?" The kids were all in bed when we heard the fall the night before, and on our floor in another room we didn't check, was a battery operated glass candle figure that people put in their windows during the holiday season. I used to have many, but over the years the kids have broken them very easily as they have a glass tip and are very fragile. The two candles I have remaining are on my cedar chest, far from the edge, and they were blocked by Christmas villages. We found this particular candle figure on the floor, about three feet away from where I place it, pointing to her baby photo that I have in a frame. The odd thing was is that it didn't break and how had it fallen way over there. They've fallen on window ledges and had broken very easily, but how did it move three feet and not break, and landed with it's tip pointing to my sister's baby picture? We have a Pergo type floor in this room....no carpet.....and it perplexes me. I can only say that it was her because I do believe in life beyond and our loved ones trying to contact us. I open my mind to those possibilities, and I hear the stories of others who have very similiar experiences. You, yourself, or acquaintances finding photos of your loved ones in very strange, faraway places. This may sound like a stretch to some people, but I believe these tangibles happen, and our loved ones are reassuring us that they are still present. If you feel that it's never happened to you, think again, and pay close attention. Marty's noticed these subtle signs lately, too, and he's very aware of sudden blinking lights as he drives under them, running into familiar faces or seeing familiar items that connect him to Chrissy.
During this holiday season, there's no getting around it. You have to go through it as we will every year, no matter how difficult. We'll each choose our own way on how we deal with it, our loss, missing my sister's smile, not having her with us in the physical sense. I wish this journey on no one, but if you are amongst us who grieve the loss of someone very close, take notice. There are signs present, but we have to think in those terms, the possibility of life beyond. We believe in science. We believe that the world is round when others said it was flat. We believe that energy is a power source, in microbiology and that atoms exist.....why not this? Why isn't it possible for our loved ones to reach us through these signs? If I'm going to have to go through it, feeling the loss of my dear sister, I'd rather go through it recognizing these subtle signs.
If you believe, know that all things are possible whether we can explain them or not.
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